One step forward, two steps back

A line from a song goes "You take one step forward and two steps back". Sometimes that's how it feels around here. I get so frustrated. Randy will be doing well, taking everything he is supposed to be taking and doing everything that he needs to be doing, and then he will start feeling better so he slacks of, or worse backslides and has a cigarette. The addiction to nicotine is definitely our biggest stumbling block to improving his health. As a former smoker I understand the addiction and how powerful it can be. What I don't understand is choosing to do something that will prevent you from breathing, especially when that effect is almost immediate. If Randy has a cigarette at any point during the day, he then needs to be hooked up to the oxygen machine for hours, usually including the overnight hours.

I guess part of the source of my frustration is the difference in our personalities and attitudes. Randy is a grasshopper and I am an ant. Despite the fact that I was at one time a smoker, I have always been pro-active about my overall health. I have been taking vitamins and herbal supplements since I was a teenager. I have always had an interest in the effects that diet and nutrition has on ones health. I have also always been physically active, although not necessarily in a mainstream way. My attitude has been to stay healthy and independent. Randy on the other hand has always lived for today, for the now. Not thinking about the needs of tomorrow. As long as he enjoyed it, or it felt good today, let tomorrow take care of itself. This has been at times, a problem between us. Good thing he discovered early on that my planning and forethought could make things comfortable on a more consistent basis. However, there are still times that my guidance and advise has fallen on deaf ears.

Three years ago I told him all I wanted for our anniversary was for him to quit smoking. If he had been able to quit at that point he might not be in the situation that he is in now. He has done irreversible damage to himself, but his continued addiction to nicotine is making any recovery of health near impossible. He will never be able to do the things that he was capable of at 25, nor do we expect that. I would be happy if he was able to recover his health to about the point where he was 3 or 4 years ago. That may be a pipe dream. Any progress is going to depend on having a plan and following it consistently. Follow through is the hard part, but it is also vital to breaking a habit or starting a new one.