Marking Time

The weekend passed without any further difficulties. Randy seems to be breathing better. He turned the oxygen off at some point during the night. He also did that Saturday night. I don't know exactly what it means, but it seems to indicate that he feels that he is breathing adequately on his own. He does still use the oxygen during the day for periods of time. He is so weak right now and he has no stamina. Doing nothing for basically 8 months will do that to a person. We hope that he will gradually be able to build some strength and stamina. The trick is going to be to do this cautiously, a little at a time. At this point it is very easy for him to be overtaxed. In the past he has become frustrated because he doesn't feel that his health is improving. I will have to help him to remain positive about his progress when his frustration level rises, otherwise he may try to do too much and end up doing himself harm. I know it's very disheartening when you feel that you are just marking time or treading water instead of advancing. But under the circumstances, slow and steady is the way we need to go.

Adventures in breathing

According to the chest x-rays that were done on Randy he had bronchopneumonia. Despite the pneumonia he signed himself out of the hospital late yesterday afternoon. I don't know at this point how that is going to affect his health. I am doing all that I can for him, but as I've explained to him, if he has pneumonia, he needs to continue with antibiotics. Another problem that he had when he went into the doctor's office on Wednesday was low blood pressure. Come to find out, all of the medicines that he is supposed to be taking for his CHF lower blood pressure. With the exception of a few isolated incidences, he does not suffer from high blood pressure to begin with.

Today we went for his disability evaluation. That took about 1/2 hour. The doctor that examined him for this appointment mentioned that he sounded congested on the left side. I'm sure he was picking up the pneumonia. I have no idea how long we will have to wait to find out more from Social Security. Because Randy was in the hospital on Thursday and Friday, and because it was so crazy at work those two days I never had a chance to contact the Cardiologists office to find out if they had forwarded his files to Social Security. I wish we had some portable oxygen that we could have taken with us for the appointment today. Randy did ok, he just had to move very slowly and not overexert himself. As soon as we got home he hooked himself back up to the oxygen. He's been on it ever since, only taking it off to eat or walk to the bathroom. He sleeps under oxygen and I hope he has a better night tonight than he did last night.

While he was still in the hospital, one of his nurses asked us if he had ever been checked for sleep apnea. I have long suspected that he has it, in part because of the way he snores. She stated that he should be checked for sleep apnea because she suspected that he has it. When he was asleep and she came in to the room to check his vitals she observed that he had episodes of not breathing, each episode lasted approximately 30 seconds she said. Of course the only way to verify this is with a sleep study, and at this point a study is just not feasible.

Blue Christmas

Christmas Day at our house was a day fraught with concern. Randy spent most of the day in bed on oxygen. He was very weak and listless. He was able to watch the kids open their presents, but returned to bed soon after this was accomplished. I checked on him about every fifteen minutes. Sometimes he would be sleeping other times just resting. Even with the oxygen he was having a hard time breathing when in an upright position, so reclining in bed was when he was most comfortable.

We had a wonderful meal for Christmas dinner, but despite the selection he was unable to eat more than a few bites. This really concerned me. His appetite has gradually decreased over the last couple of years, but this was ridiculous. I have seen toddlers eat more than what he ate over the course of the day. He kept apologizing for not being able to eat, especially since I had included several of his favorites in our menu.

Because of some of his symptoms we thought he might have bronchitis or perhaps pneumonia. He would break out in a sweat for no apparent reason and he has a cough which sounds like he should be coughing stuff up, but nothing would come up. Because of these things we made the decision to try get him in to see the doctor. Since we have no insurance we were hoping that whatever the problem was could be treated by antibiotics or the like. However, when I took him to the doctor yesterday afternoon, the doctor admitted him to the hospital. We are unsure how long he will be in the hospital. As of last night we still don't know the results of tests that they have run on him. I won't be able to go to the hospital to visit him until I get off work, but I will call him this morning to see what the doctor has had to say.

I have asked friends and family for prayer. At this point in time that's about all I can do. We need his health to improve and we also need to find some way to pay for his medical expenses. When he has in the hospital for a week in 2006 we had insurance so we were only responsible for about $300 of the total bill, and I believe the total bill was close to $20,000.

Coconut cake, blueberry pie and cookies

Yesterday I baked a coconut cake and one batch of chocolate chip cookies. Now I am in the middle of making a blueberry pie. When the pie comes out of the oven I will make another batch or two of cookies. This does not sound like a household that is trying to watch it's consumption of carbohydrates!

These things are so hard to resist, which is why I don't usually have them in the house. Last night while making the cookies I believe I must have eaten about a dozen of them. Warm and still gooey from the oven, yum yum. I generally only bake at Christmas and Thanksgiving, and this is why. I enjoy baking and I love eating what I bake, but since I need to lose a few pounds I try to keep temptation at bay by not having the food in the house.

We are otherwise all set for Christmas at my house. I do still have a couple of gifts that I need to wrap because they were last minute purchases, bought on Friday (12/21/07). The kids were with me when I purchased the majority of their Christmas gifts, so they won't be surprised when they open those, but they do not know about these last couple of things and I want to keep it that way until they open them on Christmas morning. I have also purchased some candy and fruit as "stocking stuffers". I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to put these things in stockings, maybe I'll do it first thing in the morning before the kids get up. Even when they were very young I do not remember them waking us up at some ungodly hour to open gifts.

When I was growing up, we had a rule in our house that you couldn't wake Mom and Dad until after 6:30am. We had some neighbors who's children would awaken at something like 5:00am wanting to open presents. I'm trying to remember if at any time my kids awoke before me on Christmas morning. If they did, it wasn't because it was really early, but rather because Mommy had worked on Christmas Eve and therefore had gotten to bed late.

It's been nice to have this time with all of us together for so many days this year. The only thing that would make it better would be if Randy's health was better. He has had some relief because we were able to make arrangements to get him an oxygen machine. That has helped, but he is still having trouble with his ankles swelling, which is a bad sign. We can't seem to keep the swelling down despite the medicine that he is taking which is supposed to keep fluid buildup to a minimum. I'm very worried about what this means about his heart function. He goes for an evaluation physical for Social Security this Saturday. I do not know how they could possibly evaluate him and come to any conclusion other than that he is disabled. I just hope that he will be approved and that the approval will come soon. He needs some type of insurance coverage so that we can afford to for him to go back to the cardiologist. His last visit cost over $1500, but because we had insurance it only cost us $20. We couldn't have afforded it otherwise.

More baking to do

So now comes the time to start the preparations for Christmas Dinner. Took the turkey out of the freezer today to begin the thawing process. I learned many years ago that it takes days for these things to thaw completely. One year I did not start the thawing process early enough and Thanksgiving morning I was greeted with a still partially frozen turkey. I had to put the turkey in a dishpan and run water over it for a couple of hours. Our dinner schedule was completely thrown off that year. Needless to say I learned my lesson. I now move my turkey from the freezer to the fridge 3-5 days prior to the big event. On the morning of the holiday I have a completely thawed and totally cooperative bird to work with. In addition to the turkey I will be cooking a beef roast. I've had my yearly quota of turkey and couldn't possibly eat any more. I wanted beef, but Randy loves turkey and since I have one in the freezer, and I have access to two ovens, I might as well cook them both.

We have several items that we plan to bake over the next few days. The cookies were such a big hit, both with my family and with my co-workers, that we have decided to bake several more batches. I have received quite a few compliments from co-workers raving about the cookies that I gave as Christmas presents. I'm just glad to have given something that is appreciated. Personally I would rather receive a gift that I will use. I'm just too practical for anything else.

I plan to make a blueberry pie and a coconut cake for our dessert on Christmas Day. I still have a few quarts of blueberries in my freezer. At one time I did have about 5 gallons of blueberries, because I have a couple of cousins who have blueberry bushes and they offered me the berries. I have had the luxury of plenty of blueberries for such things as jams and jellies, pies and blueberry sauce for ice cream. Home made pies are usually so much better than anything you buy. The only thing is, I don't make pie crust, so I have to buy that. Other than the pie crust, everything else is from scratch. I even make my own whipped cream to top off the pies. I have never made a coconut cake, but I'm going to try one this year. If my cake tastes anywhere near as good as the cake I sampled last Sunday it will be great. We'll probably start baking some time tomorrow, especially if we intend to make cookies to eat before Christmas.

Randy is not doing much better. He is still having a really hard time breathing and his ankles remain swollen. He spent a good deal of the day in bed today. That is how he has spent the last couple of days. Jeremy changed the brake pads on the truck by himself and then Randy helped when it came time to bleed them. Since Jeremy had to be to work for 2:00pm both yesterday and today Randy drove him and I've been going to pick him up. Jeremy will have to work tomorrow but then will have the next two days off. Maybe he will have a chance to make some progress on the CRX since it's obvious that Randy will not be able to work on it. If we can just get the CRX back up and running then we won't have to worry about taking Jeremy to work and then going and getting him at night. It will be less stress all the way around.

I will have 4 days off in a row. With the exception of vacation time I never get so much time off, especially not all together. I have a 4 day weekend because I do not work on Sunday, we are closed Monday and Tuesday for the holiday and then we are closed Wednesday, which is our normal day to be closed. Then I will work 2 days and be off next Saturday to take Randy to his physical. My check for that week is really going to be pitiful.

The meaning of work

Jeremy has now joined the ranks of the gainfully employed. He started working yesterday. Since he is on his Christmas Break from college he can work as many hours as they need for him to work. He worked 9 hours yesterday, but only 6 hours today. He will get in about 20 hours this week and then he will have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. I think he is going to find out what it means to really work at a job. Although this isn't his first foray into the world of employment, it will be the first job that he got on his own. He won't be raking in the bucks with this job, but any additional income that can be generated will be helpful. If nothing more than helping to offset some of the expenses related to getting him back and forth to school/work. Those expenses would be less of course if we could get the CRX up and running again.

I'm very worried about Randy. He has had several very rough days and nights. I haven't had a good night sleep in several days because he is so restless at night. His ankles are swelling again and he is having difficulty breathing. I can only do so much for him and I'm afraid it's not enough. His health just has to improve, I don't want to lose him now. I want him to be around for another 20 years at least. Of course I want him to be in good health for that time also.

He got notice in the mail that he has an appointment on the 29th of the month for a physical for his Social Security disability claim. I pray he is approved and that approval will mean some type of medical coverage. It would be great if we could get him back on oxygen. He was sleeping under oxygen, but we had to return that machine because we can't afford the $230 a month lease without any insurance.

Jacqueline has one more day of exams and then she is on Christmas break. I know she's looking forward to being able to sleep a little late. I will rely on her a great deal while I'm at work during her break, especially since Jeremy will also be working during this time. She can do simple things for me, and perhaps that will help to keep me from being so overtaxed. She's a big help to me that way.

One extreme to the other

What a difference a week makes. This time last week I was baking Christmas cookies wearing capris with the window open. Today, our high was 44 and we are experiencing overnight lows in the mid 2o's. We've had a nasty wind all day today as well, making the day feel much colder than what the thermometer stated. At least this winter we have a reliable source of heat and the house is almost completely insulated.

Since we moved here we've experienced a variety of circumstances related to our living conditions. The house we were supposed to live in when we moved was uninhabitable so we had to scramble for housing. Luckily we were able to find something we could afford to purchase with the profit from the sale of our house in Connecticut. What we found was 15 acres with a single wide trailer on it. The trailer was ancient, circa 1969, but it had "city water", a septic tank, power, and was hooked to the natural gas line. Although the trailer only had 2 bedrooms and was in reality too small for us, we moved in and dreamed of bigger things.

We had to duct tape holes in windows and hang blankets over the front and back doors because of the air gaps. The furnace quit the second winter we lived in the trailer. Thankfully there was a gas wall heater and we supplemented that with the gas burners on the stove. We were never really warm during the winters in the trailer, but it was tolerable. Summers were another matter entirely. We discovered our first summer that the previous owner of the trailer had used a product, JB Weld we think, to permanently close the louvered windows. This made the daytime temperatures in the trailer at least a balmy 105. Temperature inside the trailer were 10-15 degrees warmer than the outside temperature. You could literally stand at the front door and feel the heat pouring out of the trailer. There was no central air, only a place for a window unit in the kitchen. On our meager income there was no way we could afford to run an air conditioner, so we spent as much time as possible outside in the shade. We ate lots of sandwiches, salads and did lots of grilling on our gas grill. Anything to stay out of the sweatbox that was the trailer.

In September of 2003 we thought our circumstances had stabilized enough for us to be able to afford an upgrade in our living arrangements. We owned our land free and clear, but did not have any cash reserves, nor did we have a large income. Under these circumstances we did have very many options. We looked at double wide mobile homes, but decided against that option. There is a company that operates in this region of the country that builds houses on your land and your land is your downpayment. This is the option we chose. In order for us to get the most house (square foot) for our money, we chose to have the house built only as far as the "shell" stage. This means that the house is complete on the outside, but the interior is completely unfinished. Bare studs, no walls, open rafters and just a layer of plywood for your floors.

And so our work began. Randy did all of the wiring, with Jeremy's help. Anything that Jacqueline and I could do we also did. The employment situation in this area is abysmal and layoffs abound. We had many months that Randy was laid off. This made things hard as far as just making our monthly bills, never mind purchasing supplies for the house. In April of 2005, we made the decision to move out of the trailer into the house. We couldn't face the thought of another summer in the heat, in the trailer. We had no walls still, and our first night in the house was like sleeping in Grand Central Station. I began bringing cardboard boxes home the next day to staple up as walls to help muffle the sounds. That first summer in the house was cooler than it had been in the trailer, but since there was still no insulation in the house, it was warmer than it should have been. Some friends who knew our situation purchased some sheet rock and some insulation and came one weekend and put the insulation and sheet rock up in Jacqueline's room. Being a girl, they felt she should at least have some privacy. There was enough sheet rock and insulation left to cover 1/2 of our living room ceiling.

All went well until about October of 2005. Temperatures started getting cooler. We still had no walls, no insulation in the majority of the house as well as no heat source. We wore layers of clothing, including hats and mittens in the house. We slept with hats on at night. Thank God for electric blankets. I have a customer that comes into work each day who knew that we had no heat source. He had a used wood burning stove that he no longer needed and he offered it to me. We gratefully accepted. One of the fathers of a band mate of Jacqueline's used to work in construction and he came out on Thanksgiving Day to help Randy install the stove pipe and the wood stove. He then brought us 5 pickup loads of scrap wood from the local furniture factory. Now we had a heat source and fuel for that source.

Gradually we have been able to add insulation and sheet rock in some areas of the house. While we have more rooms that do not have sheet rock than those that do, we add sheet rock as money allows us to purchase it. In addition to putting up sheet rock in rooms, our next focus has to be on the plumbing for the house. Currently there is no water to the house, and it is not yet hooked up to the septic system. The trailer is still sitting in it's original location, which happens to be about 12 feet in front of where we had the house built. Good thing it's not further away, since we have to go into the trailer for all of our water needs. We have to go into the trailer to bathe, wash dishes, wash clothes and of course to answer natures call. I for one will be glad when I no longer have to go outside and into another building to use the bathroom when I wake up in the middle of the night. This is lots of fun when it's 15 degrees outside or it's raining. Washing dishes will also be a lot less of a chore when I can wash them in the kitchen sink of the house instead of having to box them up and take them into the trailer to be washed.

After more than two years of living in a construction zone, I'll be so happy when we finish. I can only hope that day will be soon.

Connecting with old friends

What a sad commentary on our current world. We live in a day and age of almost instant communications. The telegraph of our predecessors gave way to the quicker and more personnel telephone. The telephone was then supplemented by mobile phones. We developed the ability to communicate via computer and called it email. This type of communication reached it's destination much quicker than a stamped piece of mail going thru the United State Postal Service, hence a piece of mail traveling the later route has been nicknamed "snail mail". After the introduction of email capabilities we developed an even quicker type of computer communication called instant messaging. Even with all of this technology, it is usually only at this time of year, when we start sending and receiving Christmas cards, that we exchange details of what is going on in our lives with friends and family. I guess it takes a sentimental occasion for many of us to slow down long enough to try and let everyone in on "the latest".

We have received several such Christmas cards this year. Usually these cards contain information related to health issues. Perhaps none of the health issues were serious, but then again they might have been. Often the friend or relative lives far away, but not always. I received a card a couple of days ago from a cousin who lives only about a 1/2 a mile away from me. In her card she asked for prayer because she has started radiation treatments. She had some lumps removed from her breast several months ago and has already had a course of chemotherapy. I felt horrible because I haven't been in closer contact with her. She has a wonderful support system thanks to her immediate family, but still, I felt that I should have been more up to date on her situation. There has been so much going on in my life, with my family, that I completely forgot that she was going to be taking radiation after she finished up with chemo. Maybe that's what the problem is. We are all living in the fast lane, whether we realize it or not. Perhaps we all need to get off of the express and take the scenic route, slow things down a bit. Reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw. It said that an optimist is someone who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

I can't imagine what my life would be like now if I hadn't moved to a slower paced life 7 years ago. Even though I have many things going on right now, life is much different for me than it was when I lived in Connecticut. Our circumstances here are so different than they were before the move. The stress level of day to day living is almost non-existent compared to what we were experiencing. Here our nearest neighbor is about 1/4 mile away. We lost our faithful sheltie, Kiesha in December of 2005, but this May we added another sheltie to the family. Where we had one cat in Connecticut, here we have about 10. The cat population changes, depending on a variety of factors including predation by coyotes. Currently I have 11 chickens. The jury is out on how many of the chickens will stay, because 8 of these were just hatched this July so we have not yet been able to determine with 100% accuracy which are hens and which are roosters. The excess roosters will go elsewhere and I will keep the hens. If I should end up with more roosters than hens, I may order some day old chicks for spring delivery. My windows no longer vibrate from loud music of passing cars. Any gunshots I hear are coming from hunters in the distance and are not aimed toward us or our dwelling. Randy no longer lives on antacids either. From the time I first met him he hardly had a day pass that he didn't have to have at least a couple of antacids. After the move here I bought one of those big bottles, like we always had to have on hand before. Usually those bottles would only last a couple of weeks. I finally threw the bottle away a year or so ago. It was still about 1/2 full.

Another difference is that I have a huge garden spot. Last year was the first year since we moved down here that I didn't have a garden. I missed it terribly. There is nothing like being able to go out into the garden and harvest fresh food that you grew. Nothing store bought tastes as good. If you have been a good steward of the earth and have not poisoned the soil with all sorts of chemicals then you are rewarded not only with great tasting food, but also food that nourishes you. If you have been blessed with good weather and have not been afraid to put forth some effort then you should have enough of a harvest to preserve for later use. That is if the deer didn't eat all of your hard work up before you harvested it! Deer can be a real problem here. I know many people who hunt deer. I always wish them lots of luck and express a desire for them to get their limit each deer season. The reason behind this is two-fold. Not only do I want there to be less deer to eat up my garden, but the deer are so plentiful that they are a hazard when driving.

Air Conditioning in December

While much of the country is suffering thru and trying to recover from some horrible winter weather, here in the deep south we have been enjoying milder than normal temperatures. At least we have in my neck of the woods. The average daily temperature has been about 20 or so degrees above normal for this time of year. We've had several days where the temperature approached 80 degrees. It feels very odd to see everything all decked out for the holidays, and to hear Christmas music playing everywhere but to be running the air conditioning. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I'll take this any day over below freezing temperatures and/or ice. I'm also afraid that we'll pay for this mild weather later on in the winter. We may get some really brutal cold temperatures before this winter is over.

We had our company Christmas party tonight. Things went very well. We had enough food to feed three times the number of people, and I think all of us ate more than we needed. I believe everyone had a good time. Everyone that I gave cookies to was thrilled to receive them. I overheard one of my co-workers say it was the best gift she could have gotten. I'm glad they were met with such approval. I was a little apprehensive about giving cookies, because so many of us are trying to watch what we eat. Cookies are not generally considered "dietetic", at least not any that I make! We didn't exchange gifts amongst ourselves, but I wanted to give these people something. Since I didn't have any extra money for store bought gifts, something home made was about my only option. Each person received 5 different types of cookies. There was chocolate chip, mint chocolate chip, oatmeal scotchies, peanut butter and chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips.

I think one of the reasons that my co-workers were so thrilled with home made cookies is because so few people bake home made cookies. A home baked item speaks volumes to many people, telling them that you care enough about them to take the time to make them something with your own hands. I know today's world is hustle and bustle and many people don't have the time or the inclination to bake cookies. It is something that I enjoy doing, and I hope I have helped my children to have an appreciation for such things. Both of the kids helped me with several batches of the cookies. I creamed the sugar and butter together, but I would usually have them mix in the dry ingredients. They also took turns putting dough on cookie sheets, supervising the cookies while they were in the oven or transferring cooked cookies from cookie sheet to the rack for cooling. Of course the enticement for this effort is that the end results taste good.

Although I gave away a good amount of cookies, there are still plenty left for us to enjoy. I have had a few, and will be glad when they are all gone. I think the next time I bake cookies, I'll only bake peanut butter cookies. Since I'm not a peanut butter fan I won't have a problem resisting them.

Cookies, cookies and more cookies

Once I did an inventory of my cookie making supplies I determined that I had enough supplies to make quite a few cookies. We began our cookie making endeavor after supper last night. I made a batch of chocolate chip, a batch of oatmeal scotchies and finished up with a batch of mint chocolate chip cookies. I didn't get to bed until midnight. By the time the last cookies sheet of cookies had come out of the oven and cooled enough to be stored away for the night, I was too exhausted to clean up the kitchen. I think I was asleep within a few seconds of laying my head on the pillow. An eighteen hour day will do that to me.

Today we are continuing to bake cookies. We are working on a double batch of peanut butter cookies. I love peanuts but I'm not a fan of peanut butter, whether it be in a sandwich or in cookies. Randy and the kids all love peanut butter and that is the reason we are making a double batch. I have decided that I will give home made cookies to my co-workers for Christmas gifts. I will give each co-worker an assortment of cookies totaling 12. In order to have peanut butter cookies to include in this mix I knew I needed to start with a large amount, to allow my family to consume some. It would be too much for them to resist sampling them and by the time 3 people finish "sampling" from a batch of cookies, there aren't usually many left because my family isn't satisfied to just sample one. I will have to make another batch of chocolate chip cookies because we've all had several of those. I am very particular about my cookies. I don't like cookies that are rock hard and since these did not come out that way, I've had several of them.

Although I like the taste of the oatmeal scotchies, the next time I make these I will see if I can play with the recipe just a little. These buggers are hard to work with in my opinion. I think if I mix the oats in with the butter and sugar and let that sit for a while before adding the other dry ingredients it might help the dough to have a better consistency. It also might help to add just a little more flour, so that the dough isn't quite as sticky and moist. It is much gooey-er than any other cookie dough that I have worked with, which is what makes it such a difficult cookie to master, at least for me.

I suppose there is a great deal of irony in our cookie making experience this year. Even though these cookies are not what many people might think of when they think of Christmas cookies, they are in fact Christmas cookies, since many of them will be given as gifts. They just aren't the traditional sugar cookies cut into "Christmas" shapes. We have made our Christmas cookies dressed in shorts and capris with the windows open. To counteract the oddity of making Christmas cookies in 70+ degree weather, we have listened to our extensive collection of Christmas CDs during this process. Nothing like the mellow sounds of Kenny G, the sultry voice of Vince Gill and the thrilling sounds of Manheim Steamroller to get you in the Christmas spirit.

Let it snow..........somewhere else

The Christmas season is in full swing at this point. Any store you enter has Christmas music playing and buildings are festooned with greenery and bright holiday lights. Retail stores are counting down the number of buying days until Christmas and grocery stores have eggnog and candy canes in stock. All of these things make me almost wish for snow, almost but not quite.

Growing up in the northeast, it is still strange for me to experience such mild weather in December. When I was a kid in New England we often saw our first snow in November. The chances that there would be snow on the ground at Christmas was pretty good. At the very least we could count on the temperatures hovering around freezing. Many a Christmas Break from school was filled with snow related activities. Building snow forts, making a snowman, or sledding. A sled was not necessary to go sledding. A "flying saucer" was a fantastic device. When I was very young they were made of metal, but later models were made of a hard plastic. I also remember several of us piling onto a tobaggon. The bottom of the tobaggon had to be waxed for best results. Later on, before I got too old and mature, I remember using a snow tube. I believe this may have belonged to one of my younger siblings. But boy, do I remember how well it flew over the snow. Made me wish that I'd had one when I was little.

Our high temperature today is supposed to be about 72 and tomorrow's high is forecast for 76. It feels pretty strange listening to all that glorious Christmas music wearing shorts. It reminds me of a commercial on tv where Christmas lights are strung on a palm tree. While we don't have any palm trees in this area, I have seen Christmas lights strung on oak and poplar trees. Looks a little strange if you're unaccustomed to anything other than a pine type tree.

Speaking of lights, I'm so tired of cheaply made Christmas lights. I just bought 3 new strings of Christmas lights for my tree and I noticed yesterday that one of them is not working. We've searched the whole string to try to find a blown bulb, and we checked the fuses. Despite these measures we still can't figure out why the string quit. I would much rather pay a little more per string and have them work for a couple of years. As it is this particular string lasted about a week. Not a very good return on my money.

The kids and I plan to bake cookies tonight. We won't be making sugar cookies in Christmas shapes, but we will probably make several different kind, such as chocolate chip, mint chocolate chip, oatmeal scotchies and peanut butter. What we make will be determined in part by what kind of "chips" I have in the freezer. I purchased several different kinds last year and put them into the freezer. We made cookies around Christmas last year and I thought we might bake some again before the end of winter. We didn't however.

We might also make some oatmeal raisin cookies. I've certainly got enough oatmeal here. The kids were eating oatmeal for breakfast pretty regularly, so I always tried to keep a supply on hand. Then one day, they decided they were tired of it so that left us with several good sized containers in the pantry. How many batches of cookies we make is going to depend on several variables. We might make some tonight and then again tomorrow or tomorrow night. Whether or not I bake during the day is questionable. I may not want to have the oven on if it is 76 outside, so I might wait until after supper to bake any additional batches of cookies.

If wishes were horses.....

There is an old adage that goes "if wishes were horses then beggars could ride". I know that wishing doesn't do much for ones situation, but hopefully if those wishes are turned into prayers situations will improve. I could spend hours wishing things were different. Instead I pray that the burdens that I am currently bearing will be eased. I pray for an improvement in Randy's health. This is probably a very selfish prayer on my part. I want his health to improve because I don't want to lose him at this point. His death would really be a blow to our family, financially as well as emotionally. If he should die soon then we will surely lose the house. We may lose it as it is because the bills exceed my income and there seems to be no relief in sight.

I pray for a true cure for diabetes so that my children can live normal lives without the need for daily insulin injections. There are so many complications that come with having diabetes. Life with this disease is a constant juggling act. Some people are better jugglers than others. For some, no matter how good they are at juggling the different facets of the disease, there are still a myriad of problems and health consequences.

I also pray for guidance during this difficult time. We are currently trying to live on basically a third of what we made in 2006. This has made things very, very tough. I've thought of trying to find a second job, but just don't know if I would have the physical stamina to do so. There are only so many corners that can be cut to save money or to stretch that money. I've cut to the bone and stretched to the limit, as far as I can tell. Perhaps through prayer I can discover other avenues.

It's been a very emotional day for me. I've had to discuss our situation with several people while attempting to find an alternative insurer for our house. Because our house isn't finished we can't actually get a home owner's policy. The policy we currently have has tripled in cost, and no one else will insure us because the house is still "under construction". We just can't seem to win. What a change from a year ago. This time last year we were doing so well. Of course Randy was feeling okay and he was working full time. Fast forward to this year and it's a completely different story. There are others who are in worse situations I know, so I don't spend time feeling sorry for myself. However, the pressure gets to even me occasionally. I think I need a good cry and some chocolate. Then I'll feel better.

So the countdown begins

Finally got around to putting the rest of the decorations on our tree yesterday. We didn't have a chance to decorate Saturday because none of us had the ambition. I only got 4 hours of sleep Friday night. Actually I didn't sleep at all Friday night, it was Saturday morning before I even managed to get in bed. The band didn't return to the school until 1:30am Saturday morning. It was right at 2:00am when I got back home from picking them up and I went straight to bed. Saturday morning it was up at 6:00am as usual and off to work. I did take a nap for about an hour once I got home from work. However, I don't think my body really recovered until Sunday afternoon. I took a short nap Sunday afternoon and it was only after that nap that I really felt myself again. The kids slept some on the bus ride home Friday night, plus they slept late Saturday morning, so they didn't suffer too much of a sleep deficit.

Since none of us had much get up and go Saturday night, we spent our time watching our Netflix DVD. I am using this Netflix subscription to introduce my kids to some classic tv shows. If we had satellite or cable tv we would get channels like TV Land that air classic tv shows, but that's not the case. Our first foray into classic tv was "Wonder Woman". This came about because one of the tv shows that we do watch had a main character dressed up as Wonder Woman for a Halloween Party. Some of the dialog from the tv show was lost on the kids because they had never seen the Wonder Woman tv show. Randy and I were explaining how Linda Carter was such a perfect Wonder Woman that the comic book could have been drawn based on her rather than her being chosen based on the comic book. This tv series was corny even when it originally aired, because it never tried to deny it's comic book origins. However, it is good clean fun and we all enjoyed it. This particular disc had the pilot episode plus one series episode. Randy had never seen the pilot, and being able to see where Wonder Woman came from cleared some things up for him.

I'm thinking of adding episode of "Welcome Back Kotter" to our list. Not because I enjoyed it so much when it first aired, but because I would love to see how the kids react to a very young John Travolta. They've seen him in several movies, "Grease", "Broken Arrow" and "Ladder 49" are several that come to mind. It should be interesting to see their reactions.

Another classic tv shows that is on our list is an episode of "Mission Impossible". I don't remember much about this tv show, because I don't believe that I actually saw very many of the episodes. I do know that the tv show was quite a bit different from the movies. I've only seen the first two movies with Tom Cruise. While they were pretty good, they were too much of a one person show rather than a team effort. If I remember correctly the series was about a team of specialists. To succeed in their missions everyone had a part to play and everyone counted on their team mate to do their part. I guess I'll have to wait for that particular DVD to see if my memory is correct.

I began addressing my Christmas cards last night. I got about half way done. I'll work on it some more tonight, addressing a few a night. They probably won't go out in the mail until Saturday. There is still plenty of time for them to be delivered before the holiday, so I'm not going to get stressed out about it. I still have some Christmas shopping to do, and don't know when I'll have a chance to do that. I may have to wait until I get my Christmas Bonus to pick up the last couple of things. I'm hopeful that we will get our bonuses at our company Christmas Party, like we did last year. The party is on the 12th and if we don't get them at the party we will most likely receive them on the 21st. That is how it has worked in years past.

Thank goodness I have a Christmas Club account that I put money in each year. I've only been doing this for a couple of years now, putting a little aside each week, but it makes a big difference when it comes time for me to buy Christmas gifts. This year I had to use about half of my Christmas Club to pay bills, but at least I was able to pay those bills. The family knows it may be a lean Christmas and they have accepted that fact. They are grateful to receive anything at all, considering the circumstances. Now that our tree is in place I will have to wrap the gifts that I've bought and put them under the tree. Despite the prospects of not receiving much in the way of gifts, I know we are all counting down the days until Christmas.